After the Death of Anna Gonzales (9781466859524) Read online

  Then he turned and walked back into the school.

  I did feel sorry for him,

  Which was why

  I didn’t take his name.

  I didn’t haul him to the dean.

  And I did tell him to go to his counselor.

  That was the most I could do.

  But the announcement about Anna Gonzales just ended,

  And suddenly

  That yesterday boy’s face worries me,

  As I wonder

  Could I … should I …

  Have done something more?

  Jamie McSully

  No

  No

  No

  No

  No

  No

  Oh God …

  Anna Gonzales (the Note)

  I will slip away,

  Making little fuss.

  And being less remembered,

  Which is pretty much the way I have always been.

  Never pretty or popular enough to matter.

  Never outrageous or outstanding enough to get attention.

  Sometimes, I have to pinch myself to make certain that I am even real.

  Conversations swirl around me.

  Invitations to others surround me.

  Even Alexis, who has tried to be my best friend,

  Is dragged down by my invisibility.

  No, I am not pregnant

  Not on drugs

  Not alcohol

  Not influenced by rock or heavy metal or rap

  I am just not.

  And I am so tired of trying to be.

  So I say my good-night to this world

  Feeling since it has never embraced me

  It will not mind if I have abandoned it.

  About the author

  Terri Fields was inspired to write this book by her feelings of despair over teenage suicide. She says, “Not only is it the end of a life and of hope for that life, but it also creates ongoing painful ripples in others’ lives.”

  An award-winning author of sixteen books, Ms. Fields is an educator who has been named Arizona Teacher of the Year, and was selected for the All-USA Teacher Team of the nation’s top educators. She lives with her family in Phoenix, Arizona.

  Henry Holt and Company, LLC

  Publishers since 1866

  175 Fifth Avenue

  New York, New York 10010

  www.henryholtchildrensbooks.com

  Henry Holt® is a registered trademark of Henry Holt and Company, LLC.

  Copyright © 2002 by Terri Fields

  All rights reserved.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Fields, Terri.

  After the death of Anna Gonzales / Terri Fields.

  p. cm.

  Summary: Poems written in the voices of forty-seven people, including students, teachers, and other school staff, record the aftermath of a high school student’s suicide and the preoccupations of teen life.

  1. Young adult poetry, American. 2. Teenagers—Suicidal behavior—Poetry. 3. High school students—Poetry. 4. Suicide victims—Poetry. 5. Teenagers—Poetry. [1. Suicide—Poetry. 2. High schools—Poetry. 3. Schools—Poetry. 4. American poetry.] I. Title.

  PS3556.I42115 A689 2002 811'.54—dc21 2002024074

  ISBN-13: 978-0-8050-7127-6 / ISBN-10: 0-8050-7127-X

  First Edition—2002

  eISBN 9781466859524

  First eBook edition: October 2013

  Permission for the use of the following is gratefully acknowledged:

  Excerpt from “The End of the World,” From Collected Poems, 1917–1982, by Archibald MacLeish. Copyright © 1985 by the Estate of Archibald MacLeish. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Company.

  All rights reserved.

  Excerpt from “Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night” by Dylan Thomas, from The Poems of Dylan Thomas, published by New Directions. Copyright © 1952 by Dylan Thomas. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.